I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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