with your own penis?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We left the knife in your bed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
