Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
