I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
