I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
