Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
