He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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