i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
