In the future we'll all be gay
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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