Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
