Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
