I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
