I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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