yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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