Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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