She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
