I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
