Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
