That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
