umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
