My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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