I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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