this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
