At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Will exercising make me less horny?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
