omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
