So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
