My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
