I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
