I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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