So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
