I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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