Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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