just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
