Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
