Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
