YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
