Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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