somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
