Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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