So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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