i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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