did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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