Who wears a wallet chain?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
