she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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