I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
