Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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