It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
