there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
