She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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