Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
