Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
only if we run a train.
done.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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