That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
do herpes really smell.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
did i just pee glitter
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
