What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
