I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
