I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
