Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
