38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
