Michael Bay diarrhea
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
