Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
